What are the 10 Signs of Ageing?

When I was but a mere twinkle in my father’s eye (UGH. Oh God. Just vomited on myself for even using that phrase.) there was only one sign of ageing, and that was just looking absolutely battered. Ageing was ageing. Something inevitable. Yes, women slathered on Pond’s cream and did various weird things to themselves to try and delay the ageing process, but nothing compared to the things that women do now! Because now, ladies, we don’t have one sign of ageing (wrinkles), we don’t have three signs of ageing (wrinkles, eye-bags, grey skin) and we don’t even have Olay’s seven signs* anymore! (I’ve printed Olay’s Seven Signs of Ageing at the bottom of the page.)

No. There are now ten. TEN signs of ageing. Very soon, products will come out that target the 3,675 signs of ageing. They will include: the inability to tie one’s own shoelaces without making an unattractive grunting sound; putting the car keys in the kettle and then boiling it; calling one’s husband all of the names of anyone you have ever known before finally getting to his correct name. ClaireEmmaPeterPhyllisJamieAndrewDanielPatrickAnnaCLIVE!

I can’t find a list of L’Oreal’s ten signs of ageing so I’ve made a stab in the dark and created my own:

1) Appearance of fine lines

2) Loss of firmness

3) Dark Spots/Hyperpigmentation

4) Crepey, dry skin

5) Loss of memory

6) Loss of firmness

7) Tendency to repeat oneself

8) Saying “ooh. I really fancy a cuppa.”

9) Saying “ooh. I really fancy a cuppa.”

10) Wearing one brown shoe with a 2 inch heel and one black with a 3 inch heel. Not noticing until lunchtime after walking funny all morning and thinking, ‘that’s my hip giving out, that is.’

Personally, I’m more worried about the non-skin-related signs than those that can be treated (or not) with a cream. I do think it’s brilliant that we ladies of today (another sign of ageing is using phrases such as that one) have access to amazing technology and research when it comes to our skin, but I wish that everyone would lay off the ageing thing. It makes it into a real issue – we have to worry about it from the age of approximately nineteen! “Are you seeing the first signs of ageing?” NO! I’m trying to sneak out of my bedroom window and get to the off-licence without my parents seeing me! Eff off beauty industry!

God forbid that you’re in your early twenties because that’s when you see the VERY VERY VERY first signs of ageing! And must use a dedicated skincare range! To fight wrinkles before they appear!

I jest, of course. Being a skincare obsessive, I started thinking about wrinkles from the age of twenty-two-ish and I’m always happy to hear of a new ‘breakthrough’ skincare find. I’m just not sure that the whole world needs to be obsessed. By force.

Thoughts? Anyone want to add some signs of ageing? Age makes no difference – we’re all ageing to some extent, so fire away!

* Olay’s Seven Signs of ageing:

1) Lines and Wrinkles
2) Rough Skin Texture
3) Dullness of Skin’s Appearance
4) Larger appearance of Pores
5) Blotchiness
6) Dry Skin
7) Age Spots


  1. the neck, the neck, the neck!!!! what is the best product to use for skin on neck! that is the most problematic area in an aging woman IMO!

  2. I desperately need your advice on eye cream! So far I have purchased so many of your recommended items (madara,alpha etc) as your recommendations rreally seem to work for my skin type. On to eyes! I don’t have bad wrinkles, just noticeable fine lines I think are because I’ve lost a lot of weight and when I was fatter my eyes were all puffy and scrunched. What would you say your top eye firming/tightening creams/serums are…. Under £60ish? I would be unbelievably grateful for your advice x x x

  3. I had an hilarious conversation with someone working for L’Oreal and on campaigns for this product: they couldn’t name the 10 signs either :)
    This is kind of a response to Olay’s Total Effects and their 7 signs, apparently.

  4. The whole anti-aging hysteria is really crazy isn’t it?
    I will admit however that it is something I worry about. Like so many people have said already, obviously, I would value good health over my vanity any day but like most people, I do like to look good.
    I’m 21 now and I’ve started toying with the idea of an eye cream? What do you think? I’ve started to notice teeny tiny fine lines around my eyes. My Mum and bf said that they can’t see them but I can see them lol!


    • Ha! Yes, I used an eye cream from early on. I just like to. Have you seen Soap & Glory’s one in the little pot? That’s a good one to start with if you’re just after something quite basic! You’ll get lines at the eyes anyway, whatever you do, because eyes are so expressive. So don’t obsess over them! xx

  5. I’m 30 now and have noticed that for the past year it just takes my make up longer to ‘settle’ if that makes any sense… Most of my friends are into Botox but I think I’ll be giving that a miss… (particularly as I was asked for ID buying cooking wine for my dinner- result!!)

  6. The age thing is a really weird one. I’ve had wrinkles on my forehead since I was a teen because I’ve got a really animated, expressive face and it was a stressy time. I’m not a fan of those at all so wear a fringe sometimes.

    BUT you know what lines I am getting that I love? Little laughter lines around my eyes, I think they’re cute and add character. They show up when I smile. I can live with those : ) Genes play a big part it’s true.

    My mum is 71 this week and looks amazing. I once saw her with all her siblings when she was in her 40s and she looked the youngest one there and she’s the eldest – but she’s maintained great health & a fastidious but simple skincare regime. Ponds cream she says is her secret, drinking lots of water and going for a brisk walk everyday. Oh and she likes climbing mountains. My mum sticks on a pair of walking shoes and trots of to Chamonix with my sister to climb them in a shalwaar kameez, I think that’s BRILLIANT! I bet that fends off the 100,450 signs of aging a treat ; )

  7. I think right now, being in my early twenties, I’m not so bothered about anti-ageing atm but I do know the importance of using SPF to prevent sun damage. However, this has sparked a debate about growing older and western societies’ attitudes towards it- it isn’t healthy with the constant bombardment of adverts telling you how to get better skin and this and that. If people can accept aging gracefully, I think we’ll all have a better mental health. I think when you’re 70, you won’t worry about your skin, but whether your dementia is going to advance to a stage where you can’t even remember your son’s name. I work in health care and it puts things into perspective. In my twilight years, I think I’ll put my middle finger up at the beauty industry and say that it all doesn’t matter, because quite frankly, I’ll swap great skin for a life with few chronic diseases and great mobility!

    ANYWAY, I still love reading bits and bobs about beauty because I’m really curious about how different ingredients can do different things. Beauty should ideally be a hobby integrated into a daily routine, not something I should be a slave to. I’m glad that you wrote this and I love your attitude towards the ten signs of aging! I think there are so only so many things we can protect against, namely wrinkles and dark spots, other things can be sorted out with make up (brightening primer for dull skin for eg).

    Okok, I think I’ve typed enough! Hope you had a lovely weekend! :D lots of love x

    • Thank you Helen – enlightening, as usual! Yes, I think that health has to be the most important thing – I’ll add to this and say that I think it’s quite crazy when people put their lives/health at risk because of pure vanity… I was talking to a plastic surgeon on Harley Street (research!) and he was telling me all of the crazy things people ask for. It was mind-blowing! x

  8. such a funny post! genious!

  9. Saturday, afternoon. Grandma 1 in the kitchen with mum and grandma 2. Mum and grandma 2 are talking about wine and the difference it makes when the vines are located in sunny places. Grandma 1: “Wine comes from grapes? I didn’t know.”
    Later on on that day, I was rummaging through the kichen’s drawers in search of chewing-gum while talking with grandma 1. Without even thinking, I naturally ask her if she wants some. Her answer: “Darling, do you think I have teeth?” (implying that she does’nt have appropriate teeth for chewing gum cause she has teeth of course:p).
    So, signs of ageing: slight amnesia and, apparently, weak teeth.

  10. Amen! I do think that by the time I manage blemishes I will have to combat those signs of ageing. Meh… what can you do?

  11. Ha ha, this really made me laugh! I have recently invested in a Clarisonic which I am assured by the lovely sales people at Space NK that it will not only work to reduce pore size/ oily patches/ spots etc, but will also tackle wrinkles…Job done?..we’ll see! I’m 28 and still getting the odd spot but also faced with the ageing card! Luckily no memory loss as of yet though, but I do like my cups of tea :S ….

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