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What are the 10 Signs of Ageing?

When I was but a mere twinkle in my father’s eye (UGH. Oh God. Just vomited on myself for even using that phrase.) there was only one sign of ageing, and that was just looking absolutely battered. Ageing was ageing. Something inevitable. Yes, women slathered on Pond’s cream and did various weird things to themselves to try and delay the ageing process, but nothing compared to the things that women do now! Because now, ladies, we don’t have one sign of ageing (wrinkles), we don’t have three signs of ageing (wrinkles, eye-bags, grey skin) and we don’t even have Olay’s seven signs* anymore! (I’ve printed Olay’s Seven Signs of Ageing at the bottom of the page.)

No. There are now ten. TEN signs of ageing. Very soon, products will come out that target the 3,675 signs of ageing. They will include: the inability to tie one’s own shoelaces without making an unattractive grunting sound; putting the car keys in the kettle and then boiling it; calling one’s husband all of the names of anyone you have ever known before finally getting to his correct name. ClaireEmmaPeterPhyllisJamieAndrewDanielPatrickAnnaCLIVE!

I can’t find a list of L’Oreal’s ten signs of ageing so I’ve made a stab in the dark and created my own:

1) Appearance of fine lines

2) Loss of firmness

3) Dark Spots/Hyperpigmentation

4) Crepey, dry skin

5) Loss of memory

6) Loss of firmness

7) Tendency to repeat oneself

8) Saying “ooh. I really fancy a cuppa.”

9) Saying “ooh. I really fancy a cuppa.”

10) Wearing one brown shoe with a 2 inch heel and one black with a 3 inch heel. Not noticing until lunchtime after walking funny all morning and thinking, ‘that’s my hip giving out, that is.’

Personally, I’m more worried about the non-skin-related signs than those that can be treated (or not) with a cream. I do think it’s brilliant that we ladies of today (another sign of ageing is using phrases such as that one) have access to amazing technology and research when it comes to our skin, but I wish that everyone would lay off the ageing thing. It makes it into a real issue – we have to worry about it from the age of approximately nineteen! “Are you seeing the first signs of ageing?” NO! I’m trying to sneak out of my bedroom window and get to the off-licence without my parents seeing me! Eff off beauty industry!

God forbid that you’re in your early twenties because that’s when you see the VERY VERY VERY first signs of ageing! And must use a dedicated skincare range! To fight wrinkles before they appear!

I jest, of course. Being a skincare obsessive, I started thinking about wrinkles from the age of twenty-two-ish and I’m always happy to hear of a new ‘breakthrough’ skincare find. I’m just not sure that the whole world needs to be obsessed. By force.

Thoughts? Anyone want to add some signs of ageing? Age makes no difference – we’re all ageing to some extent, so fire away!

* Olay’s Seven Signs of ageing:

1) Lines and Wrinkles
2) Rough Skin Texture
3) Dullness of Skin’s Appearance
4) Larger appearance of Pores
5) Blotchiness
6) Dry Skin
7) Age Spots

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  1. This made me laugh. I feel like I’ve only just graduated from the “anti-spot” section of skincare, the anti-ageing arena seems so much more complicated! x

  2. I’d like to see the phrase “anti ageing” banned. It implies getting older is some sort of horrible disease that has to be eradicated. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as dedicated a follower of holding back the years as the next woman. But you have to face the fact that you can only slow the clock down, not stop it.

    Unless your dead of course. But then perhaps that’s what all this about; being really well preserved looking corpses. LOL!

    Ali x

  3. Oh deary dear … you forgot to mention incontinence, which was apparent in my case as I split my sides laughing at your article this morning. Having reached my 40 somethingth year, (I have a tendency to forget my real age, as you’ll understand), I can honestly say that despite perhaps having a few less expression lines, I would not go back to being 21 for anything. Age brings with it wisdom, tolerance, an inner sense of acceptance and peace and much more self confidence. Yes, my skin might not be quite as flawless as it was in my 20s, but what’s important to me is feeling and looking the best that I can FOR MY AGE!!! And actually, thanks to a lifetime of taking care of my skin, eating well and getting enough of the physical stuff ….. hmm ….. I seem to be weathering rather well (or so my friends and family tell me). I haven’t resorted to the surgeon’s knife and why would I want to? How bizarre would it be to look 25 and have the mind of a 40 (coughs)-ing year old? I just couldn’t cope with the demands of a toy boy at my age … I’d rather sit in my beautiful garden on a sunny day with a good book – and a lovely cuppa!!!

    • @Jools thank you! Yes, that hits the nail on the head, doesn’t it – we want to look good for our age. And for people not to wince secretly when you tell them your age and think that you look twenty years older than what you are! Haha.. On a serious note, INCONTINENCE? Please tell me that doesn’t get worse. I already have problems with star-jumps..

      • Star jumps are a nightmare – that’s the main reason I don’t go to aerobics any more. Plus having two children didn’t help one bit. I think there’s an operation but I’m such a coward … so I’m sticking with the pelvic floor exercises for now! xx

  4. I think it’s a bladdy vicious cycle.

    I was happily living my life, relatively care free, and before I knew it, I was in my late 20’s.

    I hit 27 and suddenly I was being politely shoved into the world of wrinkles. Now, I’d never noticed them before but why should I? And why did they suddenly appear?

    I’d been LMFAO through my teens and early 20’s and after all that time it was beginning to show. So, of course society dictates that if you’re approaching 30 then you really should do something about those laughter/frown/eating something too big for you mouth lines.

    My point is – would I have noticed anything if I wasn’t told to look? This is where the bladdy cycle begins!

    Anyway, I’ve waffled. Incidentally I do use Olays Seven Signs of Ageing and have to admit it is a lovely product – has it cured my haggard face? Probably not but then I’m laughing too hard to worry about it.

    • @Amanda I MUST try the Olay – I actually do want to try this L’Oreal product too, after all of my jesting. They have a lot of money for research, do these people, and I’m interested to see how the products compare to high-end… LOL at “eating something too big for your mouth” lines!

  5. Ruth, you are so funny! I wish more people would joke about the anti-ageing obsession of the beauty industry. We’re all ageing, it can’t be avoided, and old people with wrinkles still look beautiful! x

  6. Isn’t that what they meant?
    • 6.TONED SKIN

  7. This post is hilarious – what does your mom think of your 10 signs list? :-))))
    But yes, I’m almost 35 and I don’t really feel that kind of product is for me, precisely because I cannot think of 10 signs of ageing that my skin would be suffering of (getting grey hair and needing a week to recover from a night out come to my mind first but that product isn’t likely to help).

  8. Love it Ruth,and its very true.. The very one’s that are giving us a complex about ageing is companies like this.. hmmm? I wonder why… (No I’m not losing my memory just yet) Its all about the ‘money, the money’ excuse me while I bust into a Jessie J song.. Right back, to you all..What is wrong with getting old? Personally I don’t want to look 25 when I’m 90.. Its freaky! However, if I am going to look after myself and my skin, I will not be using L’Oreal, simply because I’m worth more than their ingredients. Majority of ageing comes from the sun damage, and secondly our genes play a major role.. So if your family have faces like maps of the world.. Then sadly, in time you will too.. unless you opt for surgery. There are great women out there who have aged gracefully, and they are the ones I admire, not the ones scared who are scared to admit their age. xx

    • @Mel ah, you see I am a great believer in good products! Yes, genetics do play a massive part, but I have seen siblings grow older who have treated their skin VERY differently, and you can absolutely tell them apart! I too think it’s freaky to look 25 when you’re 90, but I’d quite like to look 40 when I’m 50. If that makes any sense?! Not that it’s the be-all-end-all, of course. Good health over appearance, any day of the week! xx

  9. I find it to be all about aging naturally.
    You cannot stop aging any more than 50 years back, but it’s the rate we can change.
    As long as you have even colored glowing skin, wrinkles don’t really play a big part.
    Sadly the trend is to look unnaturally tight like a canvas stretched to the max.
    Sure your skin is plump & glowing & uniform in color etc, but is this healthy?

    I look at my mom and she has wrinkles. She’s 56 but has an amazing glow, yet is losing firmness in her face. Her sisters all smoked & tanned like crazy, thus all looking a lot older than her.

    It is partially genetics but also life in general. The bill comes in the end and I rather have had a life with laughter and fun, than a constant worry about ‘wrinkles’ or looking old.

    • @Phil yes, exactly. Just slowing it down a little and making small changes to routine that help to keep the skin on its toes! x

  10. Hi Ruth,
    thanks for that post, Do you reccomend the lancome tient miracle foundation because I purchaced it but I cant seem to find a way to make it work for my combination skin. Also can you do the £20 makeup challenge!


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