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Sh*tfit of the Day: Foot Files

how to use a ped egg

Sh*tfit of the day is a bit like the commonly seen “Outfit of the Day”, except that it’s not about outfits and there’s much more sh*tfitting. Disclaimer: this is not intended to be a relaxing read.

Does anybody have any luck with foot files? What is the point of foot files? Unless you have a whole day to spare, they never make the slightest bit of difference. Perhaps I have particularly horny feet – and by that, I obviously mean that they are ‘thickskinned’ rather than sexually charged. The thing is, though, I know that I don’t have thickskinned feet, I just have a couple of stubborn patches that never get any softer! So if my feet, which are in reasonably good nick, don’t respond to a filing, then what about people with feet like hooves? And there are plenty of them, you see them on the tube in the summer, shamelessly flip-flopped.

My Mum has the most success with foot files out of anybody I know. She once rang me to say that she had foot-filed so much that smoke had started to appear around her heels – she must have been sawing back and forth like an absolute maniac! Perhaps I don’t have the patience for it, or perhaps – perhaps – somebody needs to invent a footfile that actually works. That doesn’t require 85,000kCal of energy just for the left foot. That spits foot-dust into the air so fast you’ll need to use breathing apparatus when you use it. I have an idea.

 Behold the Performance Power Detail Sander PDS260. If this can strip a door down in ten minutes, just think what it could do for your feet! Five seconds with this baby on full power and you’d probably lose a shoe size! And possibly maim yourself for life, but that’s obviously by-the-by.

I jest, of course – please don’t go and file your feet with the sander in the garage – but part of me is thinking; there must be a beauty equivalent of this. And don’t say “ped egg”, please. Satan’s parmesan grater. It’s awful.

A top podiatrist once told me that the only way to file feet properly is little and often and never with a metal file. The  ‘cheese-grater’ files don’t take off skin smoothly and you’re left with raggedy, uneven surfaces that are actually worse for your feet than just leaving the hard skin. The podiatrist said that once a day with a sandpapery footfile was the way forward.

BUT I WANT TO FILE IT ALL OFF AT ONCE! I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO SIT THERE SKIMMING OFF INCONSEQUENTIAL LAYERS!

So please can somebody invent a foot-sander? Perhaps it could come as an attachment for the Clarisonic? I’m accepting prototypes as of today, I’ll test them on Mr AMR.

PS: if you want to know which file the podiatrist recommended, it’s here: http://tidd.ly/b8bd1f9a

92 comments

  1. i just used the worst worst on ever called instant dead skin remiver by Scholl, i feel so conned as all the reviews on amazon were great and i couldnt quite make out the device on the pictures shown so i decided to take a chance. Wrong move, £10.00 wasted on the worst thing ( i cant even explain how bad this is ) ever, that didnt work and was just dreadfully designed and it hurt my feet using it.
    I might send it back to Scholl and complain . Im not sure as to be horrified or horrified at just how crap this was. Soooo shit DO NOT EVER NEVER EVER NEVER BUY ONE OF THESE.

  2. Lady! I have been using this for the past few weeks, definitely worth checking out — I too found ZERO success with those “cheese grater” types as it left raggedy little bits. After seeing a blogger do a review, I HAD to purchase this, I will link the video xo

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WnbP2hTeck

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emjoi-MICRO-Portable-Pedicure-Device/dp/B005XUNG5I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408725139&sr=8-1&keywords=emjoi+micro+pedi

  3. A moisturiser with a decent percentage of glycolic acid has been my go to. Massaged generously into the callous-y areas at night (I usually do my entire foot as I have eczema and the glycolic helps keep the dry skin at bay which is half of the reason why I itch) and the next day they have softened. Do it after every shower/bath and the hardened areas will become more malleable. The best I have tried is the 10% glycolic body lotion by Bravura London, so very accessible for you located in UK.

  4. Becca Antonio
    Podiatrist
    BSc (Hons), BA (Hons), HPC, MsCP.

  5. Hi Ruth, love reading your blog and watching your vids, very entertaining!!

    I AM A PODIATRIST – so thought I should respond to this post and give you all some tips…

    Ok, first things first, you must make the distinction between THICK skin and DRY skin.

    THICK skin is typically found on weight-bearing or high pressure areas, such as the heel, ball of foot, side of big toe/little toe, and tops of toes. It’s thick, a yellow colour and is typically referred to as callous.

    Callous is caused by pressure – the skin thickens as a protective mechanism in response to excessive pressure and friction. If it didn’t thicken the skin would break down and be a bloody (literally) mess!!

    Please don’t go mad with scrapers or sharp implements when you have thickened skin. Remember that the skin has thickened as a protective mechanism, so if you take it all away you are removing your protection.

    The point is that it is better to leave a small layer behind, unless you have the necessary shock absorption to relieve the pressure.

    So how do you treat thickened skin? You need to look at PRESSURE relief, think about shock absorbing, you want something to absorb the excessive pressure instead of the skin, for example, gel insoles, heel cups, cushioned soled shoes.

    Alternatively you may need a biomechanical assessment with a podiatrist to look at the mechanics of the foot and leg, because in a normally functioning foot you should not be getting high pressure areas!!

    If you do have THICK skin I would always recommend getting it removed initially by a podiatrist, THEN to keep on top of it do the following:

    1. Moisten the skin with a baby wipe. The point is that the skin should not be bone dry or wet.

    2. Using a foot file with a fine grit (the sand paper type ones) NOT METAL!!!!!!! Apply very firm pressure and file vigorously – the skin will just roll off and look like the bits of rubber that you would get if you rubbed out pencil on paper.

    3. Apply a moisturiser that contains a minimum of 10% urea. Urea is found naturally in the skin, it is basically a magnet for moisture and increases the water content in the skin. Ureka do a good one. Apply daily.

    Remember that thickened skin does not respond to moisturiser alone, this is because it is the result of pressure.

    OK, now DRY skin….

    DRY skin is skin that is, well..dry! This means that it lacks moisture. Dry skin can appear anywhere on the foot and has more of a white colour as opposed to yellow.

    GOod news is that Dry skin is really easy to treat!! Just do the following:

    1. First you have to remove all the dry skin, because if you rely on moisturiser alone it ain’t ging to work. Why? Because it’s bloody difficult to rehydrate dead skin!

    The point is to remove the old skin and maintain and hydrate the new!

    I recommend filing the skin with a basic foot file With a fine grit (NOT METAL!!) you can do this dry, but I prefer to do this with a baby wipe to slightly moisten the skin ( also stops dust flying everywhere). It’s important to apply FIRM Pressure. Don’t be afraid to be firm and vigorous! You can do this with a fine grit file. It should not be sore.

    2. This is the most important part when dealing with dry skin- you need to apply moisturiser EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Why? Because skin cell turnover ( this is when the Los skin cells are shed and the new skin cells come through) is ONCE every 30 days.Therefore, if you only apply moisturiser once a week that is the equivalent of 4 times a month. No wonder it ain’t working!!

    If you suffer from dry skin apply a moisturiser that contains 10% urea every day. Apply the cream everywhere EXCEPT in between the toes. NEVER apply moisturiser between the toes. If you do apply moisturiser between the toes you are increasing your risk of fungal infection (athletes foot!), think about mushrooms( they’re a fungus) what is their perfect environment in which to thrive?? DARK, WARM and MOIST. Hence between the toes is perfect if you want to grow your own fungus!! So dry them thoroughly and DON’t apply moisturiser there!!

    Sorry this is long, but I hope it’s helpful. Follow this advice and you should have lovely smooth feet :-)

  6. Hi, I’m not gonna read if anybody already mentioned the best solution in my opinion: Footner sock treatment. They’re plastic socks you wear for an hour, wash your feet and in the next 2 weeks your skin peels off. It sounds truly gross, but I’m usually between good-foot and omg look at those hooves. Now there is only one use in them, and where I live (the Netherlands) they’re expensive at € 20. I however live near the German border and buy them there for around € 12. Also, your feet aren’t immediately soft, but at least you’re not sanding your feet. Just as a disclaimer, I have never had a bad reaction to them, but I can’t guarantee it won’t ever happen.

  7. Babyfoot is the treatment that peels off all the dead skin on your feet. Totally gross but wonderful all at the same time :D

  8. Hi Ruth,

    You should try pedikur!!! It dissolves all the hard skin with no filing at all!!

    Hope that helps xxx

  9. Hi.
    Just a little comment from Denmark:
    I’m using “1-2 Peel” every 4 – 5 month and it’s great. It is a Japanese formulated product which exfoliates dead skin, removes callus, helps cure your feet from bad foot odors and leaves your feet nice and smooth. AND IT WORKS. It’s a pair of sock containing extracts of Japanese herbs. You leave the socks on for 1.5 to 2 hours (apply a normal sock on top and you will be able to walk around) – wash the feet gently and after 4 – 5 days the skin begins to loosen. Your feet looks awful for the next 4 – 5 days but then your feet feels like baby feet and afterwards it is much easier to keep your feet nice and smooth.
    The product is available here – but maybe you can find it cheaper elsewhere: http://www.casada.co.uk/body/1-2-peel.html
    You will be able to see the effect on youtube (have to warn you – looks awful but that is how your own feet looks like during the process).

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