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Sh*tfit of the Day: “Sleeps Until Christmas”

care bear wallpaper free

What is this “sleeps” business? When did we, as adults, start saying “sleeps” instead of “days”? I can’t bear it! I’m banning it from my life and if I hear anyone say it I am going to put my fingers in my ears and go “NAHAHAHAHAHAHNAAAA” like a fire engine whilst stamping my feet.

I’m well aware that I have some annoying verbal tics – I say uhhhm a lot, and, like many who make Youtube videos and sometimes drop into cliché and bad speaking habits, I often use the lazy description for products I love – “this is one of my absolute favourites“. I, like everyone else in this world, have excruciatingly irritating phrases that I use. You may list them below in the comments, if you want, but I stand my ground on counting the days with “sleeps”. Sleeps isn’t even a noun, it’s a bloody VERB! I wouldn’t say “it’s five hundred walks to the tube station” or “only ten eats until I’ve finished my glittery mini cupcake!” So what’s with the sleeps thing? Will we start calling our dogs the “woof woof” and our hoovers the “noo noos”? Will we drop the brum brum at the garage and take the choo choo to work instead? I think not.

Sleeps: if you are wearing pyjamas with Care Bears printed on them whilst eating strawberry Angel Delight with a plastic spoon then you have my explicit permission to use “sleeps” as a unit of measurement. If you are one of those people who has the adult baby fetish and you wear a big nappy and live in a gargantuan cot – you may also use it without feeling any additional sense of embarrassment. People with jobs, houses, kids, cars, any form of education: please. Christmas on its own is enough to make us feel deliciously childlike – we don’t need babytalk too! Who’s with me on this? Who’s not? Opinions below – and, as per usual, rants must be non-sweary, non-vindictive and have a sense of humour.

(Disclaimer: I am not talking about any one particular person, here, including the good friend who I know will be reading this and uses the exact term on her Facebook status every day from about the second of November. Yours, The Grinch.)

Image is from a free wallpaper site: http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/care-bears/images/256396/title/care-bears-wallpaper-wallpaper

58 comments

  1. Wait. Hoovers are supposed to make noo noo sounds???

  2. Who governs poetic license? With the emotional stress here in theUS I love your posts !

  3. This is hilarious :) I thought hoovers said “voo voos” but maybe that’s because I speak French, haha.

  4. Hahahaha…..hilarious! That sent me off into a lurgy fuelled coughing fit….better out than in, lol. Have to say….I thought a noo noo was something else entirely…..ahem……but thanks for the morning giggle :-)

    • Oh my GOD. You are right – know it all comes back to me. Is a noo-noo a….tinkle sprinkle?

      • Yup! A noo-noo could indeed masquerade as a tinkle-sprinkle! Or a boy’s winkie… Now you’re positively encouraging infantilism, Ms Crilly! Be careful, or Santa will be judging us all in just 5 sleeps’ time … ; )

  5. Thank you so much for this post! I thought I was the only one on the planet who hates this “sleeps” nonsense! It’s just so bizarre and it frightens me how it’s becoming a completely accepted way to measure time! Stop it now please.

  6. I’m with you Ruth, along with people who say Ooo, I had too much wine yesterday – and it was a “school night” Unless you are a teacher or pupil,no, it’s not! I’m a grown up and I go to work!! (Irrationaly angry due to leaking radiator and uncommunicative plumbers, grr) xx

  7. OK, for a British rant, not bad at all! A bit more than your last one, the popcorn one, but you still a way to go before you get to anything close to Russian and Italian! (OK, protests may be sent to moi as poor Ruth isn’t responsible for some of what comes out of her reader’s mouths…errr, keyboards.)

  8. haha. Agreed. Like your Care Bear pic. I have a lucky Care Bear sweatshirt. I am a big saddo lol

    • Where can I get one of those?!

      • I got it years ago. It is green with a care bear on the front and on the back it say Lucky You. It was ages ago and can’t remember the shop but the label is Junk Food. Actually it could of been Asos but years and years ago….. It is beautifully kitsch!

  9. Oh my god I know what you mean! if one more person retweets Santa….!

  10. You are my hero! That is all :)

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