Sh*tfit of the Day: Crap Delivery Services

crap delivery van uk

I’m getting seriously, seriously disgruntled with some of the parcel delivery services in the UK at the moment. I’m not talking about Parcelforce or Fedex (though they have their moments), I’m talking about these shoddy little local services that employ people in unmarked vans who post scraps of photocopied paper through the letterbox without ringing the doorbell to see if you’re in. The people that collect in my area for a certain huge clothing etailer can barely be bothered to leave their vehicle half the time – I once saw the little van stop, look at my house and then drive away. I had ordered a collection, and I knew it was them because they had picked up before! They didn’t come back, and they didn’t return for the subsequent three collections – the etailer informed me that the couriers had stopped coming to my address because I was never in. (Though on all three occasions I had been in all day accepting deliveries, including from – wait for it – that very same online clothing store.)

And then we come to the delivery service who won’t be named. I’d like to give you a clue and say “rhymes with”, but it doesn’t rhyme with anything. Ironically, it looks a bit like “model” but it definitely doesn’t rhyme with it… Anyway, they didn’t deliver on the right day with my huge Amazon order, and then on the day that they did try to deliver, they told Amazon that I had refused the delivery! Funny, when I was IN PARIS THAT DAY. Lies annoy me more than anything, especially when I have to sort out the mess that results from them. I tried to phone them, but couldn’t get through on their ridiculous phone system because I didn’t have the 8-digit code that the driver had failed to write on the slip. Frustrating? You bet! I can tell you, it’s a good job that they don’t have a face-to-face service centre because people would have riots in it. I feel truly sorry for their Twitter people – it’s not their fault. They seem to do quite well at keeping tempers relatively soothed, but boy – I hope they’re paying them handsomely.

What annoys me most, I think, is the fact that these big companies are employing these rubbish delivery services in the first place. Because, no doubt, they are dirt cheap. I can understand, to a certain extent, that you’d want to keep delivery charges down for your company if you’re offering free delivery on orders, that makes sense. But when a customer is paying a yearly fee for prime/premier delivery services? No. If I pay, then I expect the deliveries to be smooth and efficient. I’m all for supporting the smaller businesses but only if they can actually deliver the goods! I have a feeling that this cheapo delivery strategy is going to start backfiring – the girl at Amazon seemed completely unsurprised that there had been a problem with my “doesn’t-rhyme-with-model” delivery.

Your own stories below, please, I very much enjoy hearing them. Mattress through the letterbox? Lost sofa? Parcel left in the recycling bin? Get typing…

(Image from, artfully altered by Yours Truly, using the Mac equivalent of PC Paint.)


  1. I’m sick to death of them…all the big companies seem to use them and it’s a disgrace…you get these halfwit otherwise unemployable morons that turn up when they feel like it…I have one that looks like a homeless guy who doesn’t even bother to come to my house…he just chucks my parcels in the garden even if it’s raining! I’ve complained numerous times but he seems to work for HDL, Yodel and some other firms so getting a complaint through is difficult…he lies constantly…when I’ve rung up the courier service he states that I wasn’t home or there was an access restriction to my property when I know full well he hasn’t even been there. He turns up days later with my parcel and I catch him dumping it…he says he didn’t think anyone was in…yet hadn’t actually gone to the house! I ask him why he’s 3 days late with my next day delivery…he says he never had it despite having reported me not being home 3 days earlier….well if he didn’t have it why was he allegedly at my home 3 days ago? He then changed his story and said that he didn’t have time to deliver it on that day…yet he’d logged me as not being home at mid day…seems like he had the rest of the day to me….He’s a lying git and can’t be bothered to deliver half the time…companies like amazon shouldn’t be using these so called couriers and half the time they aren’t…they send them through companies like yodel and HDL and it’s them who hire these useless self employed couriers. I have a deep seeded hatred for delivery people because of the shoddy service they continually provide…there are plenty of unemployed people who would do a better job…maybe some of these delivery people need replacing.

  2. Yes it does look a bit ropey when someone turns up in an unmarked car and no uniform when they’re working for a bigger company. Once I’d ordered a bigger item so it was standing on the ground next to the delivery person and after signing she just turned around and left. The item wasn’t heavy but I thought it was a bit rude to not hand it over. Oh and it had been put in a puddle.

  3. I’ve never had a problem with asos, the next day delivery always turns up on time. H&M are a nightmare though. It can take 2 weeks or sometimes even more to receive a parcel from them, and that’s after paying nearly 4 quid for it. Don’t they realise that with the rate they churn out fast fashions their customers have moved onto the next trend in that time?!

  4. Aaaargggghhh! Decide to give Fruit in name company another chance and use their did bound code which generously worked on top of a offer they were running. And then had to go away at short notice, apparently they have left two cards, I get back, not even one card!!! No way to contact Courier that looksile model, so have emailed company. Soooo fristrating, told them to change courier company and that I won’t be ordering or shopping in store with them again. Disappointing…

  5. I once had House of Fraser leave a £100 order on the a cardboard box…in the rain. Despite the fact I told them to leave with next door who was expecting the package.

  6. I hate Yodel! Absolutely terrible, i’m an amazon prime memeber and one time they had put on the online tracking that they had attempted delivery! They hadn’t as i was in and they didnt leave the wee slip either so they hadnt even bother coming to the door. I prefer the Royal Mail as there is a depot down the road from me so if i miss something its easy to go and get it. I know alot of people dont like Hermes but my Hermes guy is brilliant! He knows where to put the packages when im not in so when i see something is getting delivered by them i dont need to worry about my package or being in for it. I also hate CityLink as they are useless, i dont know if they are still in business as i havent had anything from them in a while but when they were around they were useless!

  7. Ah, delivery companies. What gets me every time is their chronic inability to deliver on weekends. See, the problem is that I am required to be present in the office between the hours of 9 and 5 five days a week in exchange for a monthly salary. This is the chief reason why I can afford to buy all that nice stuff online. There is no option to work from home. Delivery companies somehow fail to understand this, and insist on putting messages through the door with arbitrary claims such as “we will redeliver tomorrow.” No you won’t, ’cause I will be at work and you will arbitrarily return my order back to the sender! Alternatively I have to get my arse out of bed at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning and track up to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere which is opened until 10am and not a second longer with three IDs and three proofs of address to get a sodding moisturiser. I just have everything delivered to the office now.

  8. Wow, all of these companies sound awful. Someone should create a database of retailers that use Yodel/Hermes/Etc where people can add their own horror stories and a way of using social networking to prod those retailers into better service. I have to say, here in the US, if I ever got a package that was sent via private unmarked vehicle, I would seriously hesitate to open it/make sure the retailer knew that I would never purchase from them again. For me, the average $8 shipping is preferred to some sort of sketchy, lying operation.

  9. How’s this – I spent 5 hours in an unfurnished house with no food, zero seating and only an internet-free laptop for entertainment – then when I called the company – oh well, they’re not coming today. Nice one third party contracter. So when did they rearrange the delivery for? 7.30am. Say what?!

  10. I once waited ages for a parcel and ended up ringing the company to ask where it was. According to their records it had been left in the bin, ON BIN COLLECTION DAY! They didn’t even leave a card. When I complained they said they wouldn’t deliver to me anymore because I lost the last parcel, even though they admitted their delivery person had left it in the bin? I don’t order from them anymore.

  11. Wow, this makes me thankful for the post service I have in Australia now. I’ve never had any problems like this before – because I live out of town I get a card saying that there’s a parcel at the post office and I just go and collect it. Most of the time there’s a huge queue and it’s a little out of the way, but nothing as bad as you guys have by the sounds of it!

  12. My frustration is with a company that rhymes with “lootycar”. Not the actual delivery, but the state of the product delivered and then not taken back. Did I mention I now own a giant bottle of Liquid Gold and can not use it or send it back? Expensive lesson learned…..

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