Is there a term for someone who is the very opposite of green-fingered? Who’s more Die-das touch than Midas? Whatever the term is for it, that’s me. I just seem to be very bad with houseplants – I’ve killed orchids, money trees, even cacti! (I really shouldn’t use an exclamation mark there because it makes me sound rather enthusiastic about my Dr Death horticultural tendencies. A bit proud of my efforts. I’m not.)
So I’m the last person who should be buying more houseplants, yet here I am with an ever-growing collection, mainly because I keep misjudging the size and quantity of the decorative pots I require for them. It started with an ad shoot (I needed to create a sort of indoor jungle in my bathroom and so bought seven very showy plants) and then I realised I needed nice pots for all of my new houseplants. And then I bought pots that were completely the wrong size but couldn’t be bothered to post them back (oh God, the shameful wait at the post office when you have to return another huge and awkward parcel that weighs more than a human) and so I needed yet more plants to make use of them. Repeat to fade.
The result of all of this is that I’m now in the ridiculous position of being the owner of a number of very expensive plants (including a five feet tall flowering – or was – Bird of Paradise) but absolutely, one hundred percent inept at keeping any of them happy. I mean I’ve tried – how I’ve tried! – but even when I stick to the rules, research their needs for hours, monitor sunlight and water, create feeding schedules and set calendar alerts for leaf-dusting sessions, all of my plants hate me.
I’ve made a little vlog showing off my houseplants and sending out a plea for advice – there’s also a bit of a house update and a glimpse of where the new extension is being built, so if you’re the nosey sort (who isn’t) then click that button. I’ll do a dedicated video on the extension if anyone’s bothered – it’s an odd one and there’s a particular reason we’re building it that most definitely isn’t “because we need extra space”. Too long-winded to go into here, but I might film something tomorrow whilst all of the info is fresh in my head…
For credits and links in the video, please click through to Youtube here – they are listed beneath the player. In my photos above, the blue and white calico jug is Burleigh pottery, the tall vase is by my very talented friend, Helen Jones Ceramics, the clock is by Newgate and the spaceman vase is from Seletti. I may have to do another post using these photos because I was particularly pleased with them!