The annual Books n Chocs is out this week (Thursday) and it tends to be the only real gift guide I do, these days, apart from my mega-unrealistic Fantasy Wish List, which I only really post as a sort of cathartic cleansing ritual. (Once I’ve researched all of the things I think I’m “desperate for”, and written nice, vaguely clever words about them, and had to find the right bloody images to put into the post, it’s almost as though I’ve owned them all anyway. Quickest way to turn yourself off.)
This year, however, I did think it would be fun to see what my eleven year-old would pick if she was creating a gift guide. Out of the mouth of babes, and all that. If it had been left up to me, I’d have definitely included some Taylor Swift merch in her Christmas list and possibly some kind of Jellycat item but that would have been CATASTROPHIC because apparently she “hasn’t been obsessed with Taylor Swift FOR AGES” and is now into Sabrina Carpenter, and the fondness for Jellycats has been replaced with a slightly bemusing frenzy for what are essentially just very expensive glorified stress balls, called Needohs.
See. I would have had it all wrong. So it’s a good job she sat there for almost an entire day with her best friend and compiled the below. They demanded £5 per hour for their efforts, by the way, but we settled on £2.50.
Which, incidentally, is only 38p per hour less than I used to get for working insane and stressful shifts at McDonald’s in 1997. Shifts where I had to clean out fat traps using a hose that fired out boiling water at speeds of up to approx. 230mph. Or serve customers who had been waiting in the queue staring at the illuminated menu above the counter for a full fifteen minutes but still hadn’t decided what they wanted to eat by the time they reached the front.
It used to make me apoplectic with rage, the queue indecision thing. It was like it came as a surprise to these people that they’d have to actually order something. It wasn’t as though there was an extensive menu in those days! The hot drink options were “tea”, “coffee” and “hot chocolate”. (One type of coffee! From a filter jug!) The food options were basically: Big Mac Meal, Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal, McChicken Sandwich Meal and a Filet o’ Fish! Oh, and once a day, if that, someone would order a veggie burger and it was like an emergency event. You’d have to crank up the special little heated vegetarian grill thing (bit like an air fryer) and the person ordering would be made to wait, shamefully, at the side of the counter whilst their vegetarian option was prepared.
(Point being, there were virtually NO vegetarians in Redditch in 1997, in case I hadn’t made that clear.)
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I paid my daughter and her best friend £2.50 an hour each for the below, so I want you to read and appreciate every single word. Hope it’s helpful. If you’re struggling with gift ideas for small(ish) people who like lip balms, glitter and things that smell as though they’ve been basted in caramel and infused with vanilla pods then this is the guide for you! Yes it is full of plastic crap, don’t shoot the messenger…
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Gifts for Kids Aged 5-7
(Chosen by 11 Year-Olds)
Gifts for Ages 8-10
(Chosen by 11 Year-Olds)
Ah, we’re at the hero part. Gifts for 11 year-olds, chosen by 11 year-olds. I must admit that I edited out four different lip products (what is the obsession!) and replaced them with what I think is the best lip balm out there. Especially for this age group. And half the price at least of the one they all go on about. Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself, it was making my eyebrow muscles twitch and I simply had to interfere.
Gifts for Ages 11-13
(Chosen by 11 Year-Olds)
Well, that was an eye-opener. Especially going on the White Fox website and being greeted by the poutiest pouts and surliest, grumpiest expressions I’ve ever witnessed! Has someone forced them all to model without pay? Why are they so moody? Is this where my 11 year-old is copying it from? Haha.
I also should point out that The Hunger Games series has a reading age of 14+, so use your own discretion on this one. My 11 year-old reads anything she can get her hands on and tore through this entire series in about two weeks (first one was from the school library, yay to secondary school and suddenly losing all parental control): she says it’s not violent, apart from people getting stung to death by giant wasps and stabbed with spears, etc etc.
Hope you enjoyed that little guide. I’ll be back with you this Thursday with the Books n Chocs! What joy. My favourite post of the year! Please hit the heart on the way out and do share this if you can think of anyone who would find it useful:
Genius delegation!