Nightgowns, Fire Escapes and "Giving It An Airing"

I’ve been searching for a new nightdress. Preferably in silk, with a modicum of sex appeal to it, but a nicely-cut cotton one would do. And have I managed to find a nightie I like, after my many hours of online perusal? No I have not!

Are nightdresses not a “thing” anymore? They are barely represented in any of the nightwear sections on the fancier websites - Net-a-Porter, for example - and most of the trendy clothing companies seem to focus on pyjamas (all manner of different combinations of shorts, vests, trousers and shirts) or nightshirts, which are a very different beast to the sleeveless nightdress.

A sleeveless nightdress, in case you need filling in on the benefits, is the closest thing you can get to nakedness in bed without actually being naked. And listen: I have no issue with bed nakedness, so long as you can guarantee to me, 100%, that I won’t have to fight an intruder or escape from an inferno in the middle of the night. Can’t promise that? Alrighty then, into my nightie I go.

(Those are just my top line emergency scenarios, by the way: if you gave me ten minutes and a willing audience I could think of many more reasons for not being naked in bed. The fact that I now and then sleepwalk would probably be high up on the list, and then you have supernatural occurrences, which I’m not really a believer in but you can’t be too careful. What if a disgruntled Elizabethan widow appeared at the doorway and beckoned me to her with a crooked finger at 4am? And I was helpless to resist? Would I want to accompany her to the churchyard naked, or wearing some sort of comfy cotton jersey knee-length number? Exactly.)

And I have nothing against pyjamas and nightshirts, especially in the colder months, but when the weather gets warm I like to have as little encasement as possible when it comes to my sleepwear. I don’t want seams around the gusset, I don’t want sleeves, I don’t want elasticated ankle cuffs, I want a slip of something that I can barely feel I have on. Something that allows free movement and the efficient circulation of air to the nethers. Ah! You were wondering how long it would be before I discussed something below the belt, weren’t you? Brace yourselves: