Why This Should Be Your Summer Read: A Listicle

The paperback version of my bestselling memoir, How Not to be a Supermodel, is now available to pre-order. Apparently this means that I have to do the entire book promo campaign all over again, except that this time I have to find even more ways to make people want to order a copy.

Here’s what I have on my “reasons to buy” list so far:

1) It’s a paperback and so it is lighter than the hardback version.

This is great for people with smaller bags or who have flimsy bedside tables that can’t bear heavy loads. I could talk at length, here, about how when How Not to be a Supermodel launched at the end of last year it was an instant Sunday Times bestseller and received rave reviews about how uproariously funny and utterly hilarious it is but honestly, I think that people these days are more discerning when it comes to their book choices. They want to know two things: will it fit in my Uniqlo Round Mini Shoulder Bag? and will it look good on the ‘gram? Yes and yes.

2) It’s a paperback and so it’s cheaper to buy.

Obviously I could mention that it effectively lifts the lid on the modelling industry in the noughties (a decade famed for its heavy drinking, damaging diet culture and absolutely brutal treatment of celebrities and women in the public eye) but that it does this with a light touch, and I could also tell you about how my book is essentially a public record of my own relentless catastrophes and near-death experiences, with an amazing love story thrown in and also an accidental holiday with a man I barely knew, but I’m not supposed to repeat any of the stuff I said the first time around.

Even though they’re pretty spectacular USPs, if you ask me. I mean for God’s sake, the accidental holiday - who wouldn’t want to plough through that story on their commute? Find out whether it was the bareback riding session or the jet-skiing ineptitude that brought the holiday/kidnapping to an abrupt end? Who wouldn’t want to lie in the garden and read about someone scaling down the side of a Manhattan apartment block because they’d lost their keys?

3) the photo of my face is much smaller on the cover of the paperback, which will please anyone who generally hates the look of my face.

There are now three smaller versions of my face, though, so that could end up being triple the annoyance. I suppose it depends on whether you prefer me in one bit hit or a number of smaller doses. Swings and roundabouts. Some might say that it’s a bit minimising to talk about the cover when there’s such a wealth of entertaining material inside the book, but aesthetics are important these days. Who an earth wants to hear about the time I dyed myself bright red before a casting for a modelling campaign that would have earned me a life-changing sum of money? Possibly enough to buy a house? Who wants to know about the time I was tricked into wearing too-small shorts as a way of breaking a contract, when there’s a book cover to discuss?

(If you do prefer my face large, feel free to buy the hardback version, it’s already out.)

4) the paperback comes out on July 10th, just in time for the summer holidays.

And I can’t even think of a book more suited to your summer holidays. You love a page-turner? Tick. You love reliving the Marlboro-scented, Heat Magazine-studded days of the noughties, with Now That’s What I Call Music Volume 50 as your subliminal soundtrack? Tick. You’d love to know how I accidentally made an appearance as a performer in an informal sex show?

IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH THIS BOOK HAS BEEN WRITTEN FOR YOU!

You can pre-order online at Amazon here and Waterstones here and please, if you have a local independent bookshop then do support them if you can. (I’ll be signing a load of copies for Toppings in Bath again, just ask them for a signed copy when you pre-order and tell them I’m coming in!)

Thank you, as always, for your cheering-on and general support. This book is really important to me as it’s hopefully the first of many. I have been writing for over twenty years now, and this book marks something of a turning point, where I can allow myself to take my writing more seriously and dedicate more time to it.

So yes. I would be delighted if you read How Not to be a Supermodel. Hopefully I haven’t sold it to you so well that you need to immediately go and buy or download it (it’s also on Audible and Spotify and yes, that is me doing the reading, see photo above) because THIS POST IS ALL ABOUT THE PAPERBACK PRE-ORDERS!