Superfast, Emergency Body Overhaul!

On Monday I have to go to the agency to have lingerie polaroids done for a big job, and I will hold my hands up and admit it: I have slightly let myself go. Only a little bit – we’re not talking drastic weight-gain here, just a slight – what I like to call – ‘softening’ of the body in all the important places. I’m not as tight and toned as I’d like to be. This is partly due to the ‘No Gym’ experiment, which has gone on a little longer than planned, and it’s partly due to the fact that over the last year I have probably increased my time sat down in front of a computer screen by about 800%. There are a lot of sedentary hours.

So I have two days and here’s what I’m going to do in order to look longer and leaner in the shortest possible space of time. (Note: this is not some kind of radical weight-loss regime, you know I don’t approve of those! I just want to eliminate bloat and look my best. I’m going to be consuming the recommended calorie intake and doing everything in a safe and healthy way. Blah blah blah.)

1) I shall be cutting out added salt. Salt causes water retention and I really do not need to be retaining any water at the moment!

2) I’ll be trying to not drink any alcohol. Unfortunate that I have two evening gatherings where the wine will be free-flowing, but sometimes these sacrifices have to be made!

3) I’ll not eat any rubbish. I don’t eat much rubbish anyway, but I’m not going to partake in anything remotely stodgy or fatty. It’ll be lean meats, fresh salads, you get the picture.

4) Exercise. I am going to go to the gym twice – once today, once on Monday before the polaroid session. Hopefully the short sharp shock to the muscles will make them look suddenly toned and prominent against the backdrop of untoned flesh… Here’s hoping!

5) Body Brushing. Upped to twice daily – I may have no skin left by Monday!

6) Dr Stuart’s Slim Plus Tea. I have not the foggiest clue whether this might help, but what I do know is that it stops me from drinking Ribena/Elderflower Cordial/Orange Juice.

7) Every slimming and anti-cellulite cream that I have in my arsenal is going to be slathered upon my person. I’m talking head-to-toe. With all that topically-applied caffeine I’m probably going to be a jittering, juddering wreck with a stammer.

8) A spray-tan. It has been seven years since I had a spray-tan (or even used fake tan!) so I’ll be interested to see how the techniques have changed! The healthy glow will (hopefully) make me look leaner and sexier.

So! Let’s see how we get on, shall we? It’s a tough call, but it has been done before. I have measured and weighed myself, poked and prodded ready to share with you the full before-and-after details next week. Wish me luck!

Image Credit: (m_bartosch) at www.freedigitalphotos.net

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