Yesterday and the day before, I felt so wiped out that I thought I had flu. I didn’t even really have sickness all the time, just all of the other illness symptoms – to the point where I was convinced I actually was ill!
I’m still checking the loo roll for blood every time I go – it’s a huge relief when there’s nothing there but very draining to be worrying all the time. Very. If you think about the amount of times you go to the loo and then times that by seven, imagine how many mini stress attacks that is every week. It can’t be good.
It’s a sensitive week, because this was when the baby stopped growing in my first pregnancy, though I didn’t find out until 11.5 weeks when I began to miscarry. So I sort of feel as though it’s a “landmark” week, and if I can get through it then it will all be OK. I’m toying with the idea of an early pregnancy scan, but the superstitious side of me thinks it will jinx things – the realistic side just says “why not? Go and get it done so that you can stop faffing and worrying!”
But this week has been pretty tough. I feel quite low, like everything has fallen on top of me, and it has also been a week of events and work commitments including an overnight stay away, which doesn’t help my weird feelings. I rarely feel low like this. Is it hormones? Stress? I feel physically shit but also mentally quite mad, and appearance-wise I have never felt so unattractive.
Someone came up to me at one of my work events and looked at my stomach and said “wow, congratulations”, so I suppose that I must be showing. Or incredibly bloated. Probably all of the Tracker Bars and bananas I keep eating – I know that I need to eat more healthily, but it’s so hard to think of what you want to eat when you feel so sick! And when hunger strikes, you have around ten seconds to find something to gnaw on, otherwise you’re in trouble…
Still no breast tenderness, but I didn’t have last time either. Actually, if I remember, I had the worst sore ribs. I couldn’t really wear a bra for most of the time, because even if it was very loose it felt as though I was being squeezed and that my ribs were broken. It honestly wouldn’t have surprised me to find out that my ribs were broken, it was that painful, but I expect that’s just how much it hurts when your entire ribcage is expanding. Haven’t had that this time, thank goodness, though it’s still early days…
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